Woman Backed After Refusing to Support Pregnant Twin Sister: ‘Deadbeat’

A woman on Reddit has gained support after refusing to help her pregnant twin sister, who is having a child with a man the poster calls a “deadbeat.”

In the post, /u/Outside_Panda_2516 described the situation that led her to distance herself from her twin, “Ashley,” and Ashley’s partner, “Jared.” Since she published the post on October 13, it has received more than 5,000 upvotes and sympathizing comments from Redditors.

Newsweek has contacted /u/Outside_Panda_2516 for comment via Reddit.

In the post, the user shared that Ashley had been dating Jared for about a year. From the beginning, the poster wrote, she was uncomfortable with Jared—and her suspicions were confirmed during a chance encounter at a grocery store.

A woman who mistook the poster for Ashley confronted her and accused her of online harassment. The woman turned out to be the mother of Jared’s three children and showed the poster messages her sister had sent, in which Ashley taunted the woman about how Jared had left his children behind.

“I was very uncomfortable, but I knew in my gut he was a weirdo,” the poster wrote. “I was so shocked my sister would date a deadbeat, and proudly, knowing how our father being a deadbeat sent us both to therapy. I just walked away.”

The poster confronted her sister, who confirmed that Jared had children from a previous relationship but downplayed the situation. It all came to a head when Ashley announced she was pregnant with Jared’s child, leading to a confrontation between the three of them over a meal.

Ashley, distraught by her sister’s non-reaction to the news of her pregnancy, accused her of being unsupportive, going so far as to request an apology for her behavior toward Jared. She also asked her sister for financial help with the baby shower and gender reveal party. The poster said she refused both and that Ashley threatened to cut off communication if she didn’t apologize.

Reddit users overwhelmingly backed the poster. “Your encounter with his family told you what you needed to know about a guy who already gave you the ick. Your sister is very foolish and capable of being cruel,” one commenter wrote, adding, “Hopefully, you can still be there for your sister and future nibling.”

Another commenter highlighted Ashley’s behavior even beyond her choice of partner.

“What no one’s even mentioning is how the sister treated the other woman on top of everything else! She’s stalking the other woman, sending hate messages and telling her how he’s her man now!” the user wrote, adding, “Personally, I would have nothing to do with her.”

An Expert Opinion

Hannah Reeves, a licensed marriage and family therapist, spoke with Newsweek about the reaction from the original poster, or OP, which she said was understandable.

“First off, it sounds like OP is feeling a bit of whiplash seeing her sister excited over a pregnancy with a man who’s got a track record for not showing up. Not an easy pill to swallow, especially if you’re watching your twin sister walk straight into a complicated situation,” she said. “In these situations, I often tell my clients, ‘It’s OK to set boundaries for yourself without becoming the family villain.'”

Reeves said the term “deadbeat” can be harsh, but she added that the poster’s concerns were valid, given Jared’s past behavior.

“A man who’s been indifferent or inconsistent with one child isn’t going to have a magical transformation when another baby comes along,” she said. “It’s not like fatherhood suddenly switches on. It takes a lot of introspection and commitment to change, and some guys just don’t want to do that heavy lifting. Now, if a man is genuinely ready to step up, great. But that’s a change you’ll notice in actions, not words or promises.”

Reeves also suggested a middle ground for the poster going forward—one that keeps her and her sister’s emotions protected.

“OP can approach her sister with some compassion but stand firm on her boundaries,” she said. “I’d recommend something like: ‘I love you, but I’m really worried about you, too. I can’t fully celebrate this when I feel you’re going to be shouldering most of the responsibility.’

“While they might not be toasting with champagne anytime soon, her sister might appreciate hearing someone isn’t sugarcoating this whole situation.”

While the poster’s refusal to offer financial support or an apology has strained her relationship with her sister, many believe she is making the right choice by setting boundaries. For now, her priority seems to be protecting herself and her values, even if it means taking a step back from her twin’s life.