How Mom Stops Autistic Son’s Violent Outbursts With Two Keywords

A woman has shared a one-year update showcasing how two simple words have completely transformed her autistic son’s behavior.

Abby, 41, who cares for her son Solomon, 11, full-time, shared a video to her TikTok (@super_solo_mon) that received over 37.7 million views. It shows a montage of clips that start with him lashing out at his mom. The next few videos show how saying “safe hands” and clasping her hands together made all the difference.

Solomon copies and instantly calms down. Abby told Newsweek: “It has been life-changing.

“We started because Solo was aggressive and hit quite often, so it decreased the hitting, but it helped in other areas, like waiting.”

Abby first discovered ‘safe hands’ when Solomon’s applied behavioral analysis (ABA) therapist first started talking about safe hands.

Aggression is common in autism, according to a 2023 study by researchers from Penn State College of Medicine, who analyzed behavior in children with autism, ADHD, and from the general population. They also found that self-injurious behavior (SIB) was mainly linked to autism (16 percent).

Abby, from Auburn, Washington, told Newsweek: “Safe hands has become a regular practice in our home.

“If you want something, you have safe hands first. If you do something wrong, you do safe hands,” Abby added.

“Safe hands has given my son a way to ask for things, a way to respond. It’s a way for him to communicate with us.”

The technique has not only “reduced his aggression,” as noted in the video text, but also it has become a tool that helps him stay calm. It keeps him and others safe, states the text.

Abby said: “This one time he had just been in a meltdown, and I had yelled safe hands in a panic and he just stopped everything. It was remarkable.

“It was like it reset his brain. He does it without us saying anything at times,” the mom added.

So far, the March 4 video has more than 3.4 million likes and over 16,500 comments.

One commenter wrote: “Not only did you teach him safe hands … you’re teaching him a coping skill of counting when stressed or overwhelmed ANDDDD how to wait. Miss Mama you’re KILLING IT.”

“Safe hands allowed him to take back his power and control, all with his mama [beside] him every single time,” commented another user.

Abby shared her motivation behind the video with Newsweek. She said: “I want other parents to know that it’s possible and to just keep modeling it and keep talking about it. Their child will pick up on it!”

Expert Insight: Why Some Autistic Children Act Out

Newsweek reached out to a therapist to find out why some children with autism may display aggressive behaviors. Amber Petrozziello, the neurodivergent & ARFID services director at Empower Your Mind Therapy, based in New York, specializes in supporting neurodivergent individuals.

Petrozziello said that childhood can be especially challenging for children with autism, as the condition affects their ability to develop skills for regulating behavior, emotions, and activity.

Like all children, they express unmet needs or discomfort through behavior as part of their development, but due to neurological differences, their developmental paths—and coping mechanisms—can look very different.

“This leads to many difficult and different issues, which can lead to intense emotional dysregulation, social isolation, low self-esteem, and low self-worth,” Petrozziello told Newsweek.

How To Support an Autistic Child

Petrozziello said there were several ways to help support an autistic child who may have a hard time expressing themselves.

“Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) utilizes skills-based therapy to help implement emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness skills in real-time when needed during these tough moments,” Petrozziello added.

“Parental/caregiver training and therapy are crucial as well. Parents and caregivers need to understand how the mind of their child works, and how to not only help them navigate the world but regulate their own emotions and responses, too.”

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