Woman Starts Dating New Boyfriend, Unprepared for Text He Sends 9 Months In

A relationship that seemed stable for nearly a year hit a severe snag, leaving one woman seeking advice online.

In a post to Reddit, she explained how after nine months together, her partner sent a series of texts expressing discomfort with her profession as a body piercer, insinuating she could be cheating with clients, and then proceeded to ignore her for days.

At the time of writing, the post had received 19,000 upvotes and numerous comments condemning her boyfriend.

“Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly nine months, and he has never shown any signs that he was bothered by my job before this,” she wrote in the viral post. “I really don’t understand why he’s acting this way—and then to insinuate that I could be cheating on him…I’m just confused.”

The texts from her boyfriend laid bare his anxieties. In screenshots shared by the woman, he wrote: “When I asked if you wanted to get lunch yesterday, but you couldn’t because you had to pierce some dude’s nipples. [I] felt weird about it…I just didn’t like the idea of a dude having his shirt [off] in front of you, and you’re touching him, and it’s just the two of you in there.

“I don’t know what happens when I’m not there…I just need to think about it all. Just give me a while.”

The poster expressed her shock and confusion at his behavior, which has continued for longer than she expected.

“I’ve been trying to get in touch with him for nearly a week now and I’m hearing nothing back,” she wrote. “I know he’s just straight up ignoring me.”

Commenters immediately backed her, calling the boyfriend’s behavior “exhausting” and advising her to cut ties.

Understanding the Red Flags

Newsweek spoke to Daren Banarsë, a senior psychotherapist with a private practice, about the boyfriend’s behavior and the potentially concerning red flags he exhibited.

He suggested that what may appear to be a sudden outburst is often a deeper, pre-existing issue.

“What looks like a sudden eruption is often anything but,” Banarsë said. “His own words…suggest this discomfort has been there all along.” He highlighted this as “common in controlling dynamics: someone masks their true feelings early on, then reveals them once they believe the relationship is secure.”

“This isn’t a simple moment of jealousy; it’s the first sign of a boundary being tested,” he added. The boyfriend’s statements signal a lack of trust in his partner—an issue, given that trust is foundational to any relationship.

“When someone says, ‘I don’t know what happens when I’m not there,’ it signals a lack of trust in their partner’s word and a need for surveillance rather than reassurance,” he said, adding that while “occasional insecurity is normal…turning that into restrictions on a partner’s professional life crosses into control.”

Furthermore, the boyfriend’s choice to ignore his girlfriend while remaining active on social media is a key indicator of emotional manipulation, according to Banarsë.

“The silent treatment in this context certainly appears like emotional manipulation. It punishes her for not conforming, creates anxiety that drives her to chase his approval, and shifts the power dynamic,” he said.

Navigating the Future

For the woman seeking advice, Banarsë’s assessment is stark.

“He’s signaling that her career is negotiable based on his insecurities, using withdrawal to gain control and implying she can’t be trusted without supervision,” he pointed out. While repair is theoretically possible, Banarsë continued, it hinges entirely on the boyfriend’s willingness to “take full accountability, get curious about his insecurity, and does the work to rebuild trust.”

Newsweek reached out to u/WesternSun4947 for comment via Reddit.