The feeling of rejection from your toddler can sting for any parent. They might not want to play with you specifically, push you away during bedtime, or want to be comforted by the other parent.
While parental preference phases are normal, they can leave even the most confident parents feeling sidelined.
The good news is experts say there are gentle, practical ways to reconnect and strengthen your bond, even when you’re not your toddler’s first pick.
1. Let Your Toddler Lead—and Listen Reflectively
If your toddler’s affection feels one-sided, licensed psychologist at Tampa Pediatric Psychology Kristin Edwards told Newsweek the first step is to make them feel heard.
“Reflective listening, which can be as simple as repeating back what your child has said, shows them you are listening and approving of what they said,” she explained. “Listening without judgement or problem solving can improve parent-child relationships in a significant way.”
Even five to 10 minutes of undivided, child-led play each day can work wonders. Instead of asking questions or giving directions, Edwards suggested commenting on what your child is doing: “You’re stacking the blocks really tall!” or “I like the way you’re stacking the blocks so gently.”
2. Reframe Rejection With Curiosity
When your toddler shouts for the other parent, it’s tempting to feel hurt, but Ann Dooley, a certified connection-based parenting coach and creator of the Dooley Method, said curiosity is key.
“When your child pushes the non-preferred parent away or expresses a strong preference, shift from feeling rejected to being curious about their underlying needs,” she told Newsweek. “Pause, breathe and consider with empathy.”
Are they tired or do they need control? Viewing preference through this lens helps you respond with empathy instead of taking it personally.
3. Create Rituals That Belong to Just You Two
Children thrive on predictability and shared moments. Edwards recommended developing small, personal routines that are yours and theirs alone, such as brushing teeth together before bed, dancing in the kitchen after dinner or a nightly walk around the block. “Routines help young children feel secure,” she said.
Dooley added that even daily tasks can become rituals of connection. “Transform everyday chores into playful moments, such as matching socks during laundry or singing silly songs while folding,” she said.
“Bringing lightness to routine tasks shows that connection doesn’t require special outings—it happens in daily life when fun and play are woven in, building positive associations with the non-preferred parent.”
4. Practice “Connection Time” Led by Your Toddler
If you’re the “non-preferred” parent at the time, Dooley recommended scheduling a short, daily “connection time”—10 to 15 minutes when your child gets to choose the activity and name the special time.
“Let your child name the special time, set the alarm and pick the activity,” she said. “This gives your child a sense of control and trust, helping the non-preferred parent create a foundation of respect and connection.”
5. Offer Low-Pressure Ways to Bond
Children often express big feelings toward the safest people, which can make parents feel like the target. “For example, asking if they would like to help you stir the cookie mix, or help you bring in the mail,” Edwards said. “Don’t take a declined invitation as rejection. When they know there is low pressure, they will be more likely to approach.”
6. Celebrate Specific Effort, Not Generic Praise
When your toddler helps tidy up or organize, Dooley suggested using “helpful” praise rather than a simple “good job.”
Try: “You were so helpful putting those toys away!” or “You’re so strong carrying that!” “Specific praise fosters competence and self-worth, encouraging your child to feel secure and open to loving connection with the less-preferred parent,” she said.
7. Narrate the Joy of Connection
“Narrate moments of connection out loud so your child starts to hear and internalize that being with you feels good,” Edwards said. “For example, ‘Those bubbles made you smile!’ or ‘I really enjoy spending time with you’. Remember that emotions are a normal part of the human experience, and it’s normal for toddlers to experience rapid mood swings. Shifting from the expectation that you’re supposed to fix all of your toddler’s emotions to helping children learn to get through big emotions makes it easier on the relationship.”
