Autistic Woman’s Wedding Vows Go Viral: ‘Genuine Emotion’

Wedding vows are an opportunity to express yourself from the heart—and for one woman, it has never felt this easy.

A video on TikTok posted by Kirsten Durand (@tandkay021) went viral for sharing Durand’s wedding vows to her husband. It was “unique” experience for her, she told Newsweek, as she is autistic and often struggles with emotional expression. Since the clip was posted, it has received nearly 3 million views and over 223,000 likes.

“Troy, everyone always told me that I was dreaming,” Durand began her vows. “That my standards were too high, and I need to settle at some point—but I didn’t listen. I knew you were out there… I tried to describe how much I love you and came up with this.”

Durand, 33, said that her viral vows were incomplete until the night before her wedding due to a concussion. She added that her best friends transcribed her thoughts as she lay in a bath. The whole effort took around three hours, and under those conditions, Durand said that articulation was difficult.

Beyond the concussion, Durand said her autism also makes it difficult to express emotions. “They can come out wrong—either too blunt or too logical and not emotive enough,” she added.

However, when reading her vows at the wedding, something entirely unprecedented happened.

“My words were coming across exactly as intended for the first time in my life,” Durand said. “This was so special for me, and the fact it was captured on video makes it that much more special… I could openly share my feelings, which are often hard for me to verbalize.”

Durand said speaking the vows was “incredibly freeing”, and that, in the moment, it felt like all the guests had disappeared and it was just her and her to-be husband.

Her Autism Diagnosis Changed Things

Durand said that her autism diagnosis is considered and supported in her relationship in a way that makes her emotional.

“I believe I found my true self with him,” she added. “Our relationship started with challenges, primarily due to misunderstandings from my undiagnosed autism. I used to believe everyone thought the way I did, so when I pointed things out, others perceived it as criticism.”

Eventually, it was her husband—having worked with autistic children in the past—who said to her she might be autistic. The realization was life-altering.

“It was a relief to understand why I felt different,” Durand said, adding that, at the same time, statistics about autism and marriage deeply concerned her.

“There was a point where I was worried I would be burdening him and not be able to fulfill the role of wife as he needed due to the research,” she said. “Troy and I decided to set an example by addressing the lack of information on relationships between autistic and allistic people.

“We started our podcast, T&Kay the Spectrum Way, on YouTube. We share our experiences to help others navigate similar challenges without feeling like a burden.”

Durand said that her and Troy’s journey—especially their unconditional acceptance of each other—was perfectly encapsulated in her vows.

“I am my best self because I know you. You even me out. You challenge me to view things not only in black and white, yet you bring color to every aspect of my life,” Durand said in the vows. “I love you at your core… I’m so excited for the future, as I know whatever life throws out way, we will get through it together.”