Dad-of-2 Refusing To Financially Help ‘Struggling’ Ex and Her Kids Cheered

A father of two has been backed for his decision not to send extra child support for his children’s half-siblings and step siblings.

While a difficult situation for the other family, the man has been backed both by online commenters and experts alike, with one clinical psychologist saying the repeated push for money may be “indicative of a larger pattern.”

The man, who did not give his name but writes to Reddit under the username Commercial-Formal310, took to the r/AmITheA*****e sub to ask if he was in the wrong for “not providing any kind of extra support for my kids other household (sic).”

He explained he has an 11-year-old daughter and eight-year-old son with his ex-wife, who has since remarried and gained three stepchildren, as well as having two more children with her new husband.

With seven children under one roof, his ex and her husband now “struggle financially,” and have repeatedly tried to increase the small amount of child support he pays for his own children, since he makes a larger salary than his ex.

His ex both asked him directly and brought it through the courts five times, each time being reminded “child support is meant to provide for our kids, not for her family as a whole.”

Psychologist Dr. Maya Weir, founder of Thriving California, told Newsweek there were questions to be asked about why the ex feels “he owes her more money,” wondering “if they still have some dependency or entanglement that needs to be worked through.”

“I wonder if the money is one way she stays connected to her ex, and that she might need support with really breaking up so she can let go of that expectation,” she suggested, and advised that both exes should go to therapy to “really work through their separation.”

The man said that when asked directly for $50 “here and there” or to buy things for her other children, he repeatedly refused. But things came to a head recently when his daughter and one of her step siblings each celebrated a birthday around the same time.

His daughter got gifts and a party at his house, but the stepchild had no party as they could not afford to throw one. His ex asked if the stepchildren could attend the daughter’s party at his house, but his daughter didn’t want them there, so again he refused.

Child psychologist and parenting expert Caitlin Slavens told Newsweek this case had “layers of emotion and responsibility to consider,” and goes beyond legal obligations.

“When children feel that their siblings or step siblings are treated unfairly or suffer due to a lack of resources, they can internalize it, potentially leading to guilt, resentment, or confusion about their family relationships,” she said, encouraging him to show “empathy” to his children’s blended family.

With regards to his daughter not wanting her other siblings at her party, she advised “having an open conversation with his daughter about her blended family, explaining that sometimes, showing kindness extends beyond immediate family.

“He could also consider small, thoughtful gestures that make his children’s other home more welcoming, without making it a recurring obligation or direct support of the other children.”

The man went on to write that now, while he has paid for his own children’s school meals, the step-siblings and half-siblings’ lunch accounts are in the negative. “Since I topped up our kids, she wanted me to do it for her step kids and I said no again,” he wrote.

He took to Reddit to ask if he was in the wrong after his ex-wife “called me a monster and asked how I could live with myself knowing my children’s other family are struggling and are literally drowning in financial difficulty and I could help out but choose not to.”

Attorney Michele Locke, with experience in family law, told Newsweek: “He is not in the wrong. Child support is designed to support the children that were of that marriage, not for children that are not of that marriage. No one said that anything was fair, including love and divorce.”

She added: “He has an obligation to his children that he created with his ex-wife, and that’s where his obligation ends. While it’s unfortunate that the mother is having financial struggles with her new family, the reality is that it is not the dad’s problem.”

Reddit users also responded in a huge way, with his post racking up almost 6,000 likes and hundreds of comments since being shared on October 30.

One user wrote: “As much as I am for helping any child, you are in the right to not feel obligated to take care of someone else’s child. Not only that, she is sure acting entitled about the situation.”

“Why in the world does your ex think you should be supporting somebody else’s children?,” another asked, adding: “They should have had their finances in order before expanding their family. Kids ain’t cheap.”

And another thanked him for “listening to your daughter when she chose who to have at her party. Sounds like she finds it a relief to get a break from her step siblings which is true for a lot of children.”

Newsweek has contacted Commercial-Formal310 on Reddit for comment on this story. We could not independently verify the details of this case.

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