Gen Z Man Questioning Paternity of Friend’s Son Slammed: ‘Took It Too Far’

A Reddit post has sparked discussion after a 23-year-old woman shared her frustration about a joke regarding her son.

In the post, the woman explained what happened when her husband’s longtime friend, Mike, 27, joked about the paternity of her 10-month-old baby. The incident has left the original poster questioning the boundaries of respect within her marriage. Newsweek spoke to clinical psychologist and author Jo-Ann Finkelstein about the viral post, which received over 9,500 upvotes.

In the post, the woman said that Mike had been a longtime friend of her husband, Alex. While she had always found Mike’s sense of humor off-putting, she had never tried to stop her husband from hanging out with him. However, things took a turn when Mike made comments about paternity.

“Mike greeted us at the door, asked to hold my baby, and was cooing at him. Then he said, ‘Hey there, man … come to poppa,'” the poster wrote. “My husband and Mike started laughing … Mike then said, ‘He looks like me. Maybe he’s mine.'”

The poster was immediately uncomfortable with the comment, especially given that her son, Dylan, has blonde hair and blue eyes, similar to Mike, while she has brown hair and blue eyes and her husband has black hair and brown eyes. Despite her discomfort, she didn’t let it slide.

“Not in a million years, and no woman with sense would want you,” the poster told Mike.

Later, her husband told her that she had “taken it too far,” but the woman replied that Mike’s joke was inappropriate and disrespectful, especially considering her role as the mother of their child.

Reddit users were quick to weigh in on the situation.

“You did the right thing,” one person wrote. “Nobody should insinuate you slept with anyone besides your husband. Your husband should be offended too.”

Some saw a different root to the situation. “It was a harmless joke. Obviously a joke,” another wrote. “But a joke intended to make your husband laugh as if you weren’t even there.”

An Expert Opinion

Finkelstein, clinical psychologist and author of Sexism & Sensibility: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World, told Newsweek about the dynamics at play in such situations. She said that these “jokes” often assert power in subtle ways, particularly when women are made the butt of the joke.

“Jokes, especially at someone else’s expense, can be a subtle assertion of power. Men are often unaware or don’t care that their one ‘joke’ is yet another dig, yet another dismissal in a lifetime of digs and dehumanization,” Finkelstein said. “In the Reddit case, she’s a pawn in their joke. As men often do, they’re using her sexuality to bond.”

When asked how couples should handle situations where one partner’s friend consistently makes the other uncomfortable, Finkelstein said that the husband should step in and take his wife’s feelings seriously.

“Ideally, in this case, Alex would take time to understand why the poster is upset and explain it to his friend in a way that shows he expects him to take his wife seriously,” Finkelstein said. “If the friend isn’t willing to make some changes, they can distance themselves from him as a couple or the husband would need to do his part to keep them separate and understand his friend may not be at certain gatherings.”

The poster has been left in a difficult position, torn between supporting her husband’s friendship and protecting her own boundaries. Finkelstein offered guidance on how she could approach the situation with her husband.

“She can ask her husband to speak to his friend and make it clear that the jokes are not OK,” Finkelstein said. “If her husband is dismissive … she can respond with, ‘That may be how he is, but that doesn’t mean I have to tolerate it.'”

Newsweek reached out to u/Bellanella10 for comment via Reddit.