Nanny With 14 Years’ Experience Reveals the Things She’d Never Do

A professional nanny has shared all the controversial things she doesn’t encourage when it comes to raising kids.

U.K.-based Esther Allen (@theestherapproach) posted a reel on Instagram outlining several practices she avoids when caring for young children. These included: making kids say sorry when they don’t mean it; forcing sharing; jumping in to help without being asked,; setting up elaborate daily crafts; and using dessert as a bargaining chip for dinner.

“I’ve learned that, when it comes to children and their development, often modeling and their own exploration through free play is the best way for them to learn,” the 33-year-old told Newsweek.

Allen, who has worked as a private nanny for 14 years after acquiring a BA Hons in Early Childhood Development, said that young children are far more likely to develop empathy and good manners if they are around adults who model this behavior, rather than having it enforced.

If she had to pick one takeaway from the reel as most important, Allen said that it is this: don’t feel guilty when your child plays alone.

“Children are constantly learning through their own play and exploration, and if we as adults are constantly interrupting with questions such as, ‘What color is the car?’, ‘What noise does a cow make?’, or jumping in to help them build a block tower without them requesting any help, it rids them of the opportunity to play freely, develop their focus, concentration and resilience,” Allen said.

And this is a key message she is dedicated to sharing on her platform. “You can still connect, bond and have fun with your child, but that doesn’t have to be through playing with their toys,” Allen said.

Her reel was inspired by her desire to push back gently on the overwhelming standards often placed on both children and their parents.

“Little ones won’t have perfect manners, won’t be sharing or saying sorry, and likewise their parents shouldn’t feel guilty if they haven’t set up a Pinterest-worthy craft activity every day,” Allen said.

“I wanted to reach other parents or child carers that are also raising children in a similar way to connect and build a little community.”

While it hasn’t gone viral yet, Allen said she has gained some new followers from posting the reel.

“Sometimes, the most-meaningful content doesn’t always spark big reactions straight away,” she added. “I shared it because it reflects what I believe about raising children with respect and intention, and I know it will resonate with the right people over time.”