A woman’s story about her boyfriend’s failed attempt to open their relationship has gone viral on Reddit, sparking thousands of comments and reigniting debate about the emotional complexities of open relationships.
A post shared on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum under the username u/throwawaypandaabear, revealed how the woman’s boyfriend suggested an open relationship—but became angry when she started dating successfully while he did not.
Opening the Relationship
According to the post, the 37-year-old woman said she and her boyfriend had been together for over three years and had what she described as a “healthy” relationship. Six months ago, he proposed opening the relationship so both could date and sleep with other people.
Though initially hesitant, she agreed after some thought. The couple agreed not to discuss who they were seeing.
She said that once she joined dating apps, she quickly found matches and began going on one or two dates a month. Her boyfriend, however, apparently struggled to find any success.
The Fallout
But things went wrong when he saw notifications on her phone during a visit. “He was angry, an understatement,” she wrote, revealing that he had originally wanted to open the relationship to pursue a younger coworker, but the woman wasn’t interested.
“He wanted to see if it would work with her so he could ultimately leave me for her,” she said. “However, she didn’t want him, and it seems like… no one else did either.”
The boyfriend reportedly demanded that they close the relationship immediately.
“He was outraged and called me names,” the Redditor wrote. “But… he was the one who wanted this dynamic, so what’s the problem?”
Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist and relationship expert at the Hily dating app, told Newsweek: “It’s common for issues to arise in open relationships. There is a transition period the couple must survive when they decide to shift from a conventional closed relationship to an open one. The change in relational dynamic between partners naturally brings up feelings of jealousy, insecurity and mistrust.”
“Open relationships fail for the same reason closed ones do—when there’s a breakdown in communication,” Romanoff said. “Open relationships require trial and error learning to establish a process that meets the needs of both people. It’s also natural for couples to experience an implicit sense of competition with their partner in terms of perceived value on the dating market, which inevitably ebbs and flows in most polyamorous couples.”
Reconsidering the relationship, the woman turned to the internet for advice, asking Reddit if she was in the wrong, and what she should do next.
Internet Reacts
The post comments have now been closed, but the story quickly gained more than 25,000 upvotes and thousands of comments.
Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with the woman, saying she was not at fault and urging her to dump her boyfriend.
“You should join the rest of the population in not dating him as well,” one commenter joked.
“He admitted that he was stringing you along to see if this younger woman wanted him,” another wrote. “If she had wanted him, he would have broken up with you for her.”
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” said another commenter.
Newsweek reached out to u/throwawaypandaabear via Reddit for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.
